SheOmi's Guilt Trip to Humility
by Twilight Goddess Sage
Summary: When Omi angers a Chinese goddess with his ego and views, he is cursed by a transformation into 'the weaker sex' to see for himself how strong girls really are.  As he makes his trip across China on , he has many adventures that prove his ideas wrong.
1. Prologue: The Old Lady and the Bracer

Guilt Trip to Humility

By: Twilight Goddess Sage

**Pre-fanfic stuff:**

Sage (waves around the papers that are a part of her rough drafts of the story): "Okay, okay! I finally typed this plot bunny up! Woo-hoo! (Cheers as she does a weird happy dance, but stops after she sees the looks her friends give her. She then sits back down and clears her throat) There are a few things though that the readers should know before reading this! Please bear with us!"

Chibisage (steps up holding a few note cards): "The first one is obvious; in fact I can't believe we even have to say this! (Groans as Sage nods) Sage does not own Xiaolin Showdown. There I said it!"

Wasabi (nods): "No duh! (Winks with an evil glint in her eyes) If anybody tries to sue her, I will screw up their computers real good! Mwah-hah-hah-haaah!"

(Everyone else sweatdrops)

Ryu-kun: "Y'know Wasabi, someone could take that term "screwed" the wrong way… You may be a _hacker_ but making out with compu—"

Wasabi (covers her mouth): "ONLY YOU WOULD THINK TO TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY!!!! Sorry kiddies, don't pay attention to her…"

(Everyone else sweatdrops again)

Sage (coughs): "Besides that, I wish to tell you all that I do like Omi, he's so young, naïve and cute. It's just that every time I see him bragging, I gag and stuff… (breaks into tears) I'M SORRY OMI FANS!!! PLEASE UNDERSTAND AND NO HARD FEELINGS!!! WAAAAH!!!!

Ruzaka (hands her a hankercheif which she proceeds to blow her nose with): "Yes, yes. It goes without saying, if you don't like slight Omi bashing, don't read the fic! Common sense, neh?"

Chibisage: "Geez, we've sure said a lot, let's get on with the fanfic already!"

Prologue: The Old Lady and the Beautiful Bracer

Flashback 

Sometime back in the past, a great Xiaolin monk, a master of tai chi, and the man who saved the world quite recently, was up on a mountain in an old hut being chided by an old hag over tea.

"Dashi, why haven't you kept in touch with me all this time?!"

The thin bald monk sighed, "I told you, Auntie Ling, I've been busy—"

"Busy saving the world, dealing with dragons," she paused to eye Dojo who shifted uneasily under her glare, "Training by fighting other busy men, and spending time with a certain red-haired woman—"

Dashi rolled his eyes, "Who endangered the world and if I hadn't of sealed her away would ruin life as we know it—"

"Oh there you go again, just because one girl isn't good for you doesn't mean she's bad for the world—"

"Have you been listening to what I've been saying?!"

"As much as I can hear when you preach and rant on and on without explaining who this Wu-hoo is, and this Gwano, and the man who drank soup after talking to a bean to become immortal. Speaking of which, who in their right mind would listen to a talking vegetable?"

Dashi put his hand to his head resisting the urge to slam it into the table in frustration. 'This is why I haven't spoken to her for so long...' he thought miserably.

"So after all this time you haven't talked to me, don't you expect me to absorb all this at once!" she screeched alerting him back to reality. She put her hands on her hips, "You may be a great fighter and philosopher, but you aren't good with talking to an old lady like me." She sipped her tea and glanced back at him with a less intense expression on her old heavily wrinkled face. "Once you get to be my age, the time will come mind you; you can only recall things in pieces, which is why I'd appreciate it if you could update me from time to time, in between training and what. When you get to be my age, you'll know what I mean…" she said, looking at him more thoughtfully.

"She has a point, Dashi, I'm real old and when you talk sometimes, my ears feel like they are gonna fall off," Dojo remarked. He shuddered though when both of them glared at him, "Hey, I'm just saying…"

"So Dashi, I appreciate you coming to visit after so long, but I have a hunch that you didn't come just to tell me how you've been," she paused to wink at him, "I noticed you brought something with you…"

"You're pretty sharp for a nearly blind lady!" Dojo remarked grinning, "By the way, can I call you Granny?!"

She answered him with a firm look that said without speaking, 'If you know what's good for you, shut up!' This made Dojo flinch, lower his eyes and pretend to be more interested in his tea leaves.

After she glanced back at her great-nephew, she noticed that he had brought up a pouch to the table. He slowly loosened the cord and pulled out another yet smaller pouch and another out of that. Auntie Ling rolled her eyes at him before he slowly and carefully lifted a box out of the final pouch. He laid the satin box in the middle of the table with the opening towards his aunt and pushed it towards her.

"It's about time, why couldn't you just cushion it with cloth or something?" his great-aunt retorted sounding annoyed.

"Everything I do, I do with good reason," Dashi stated calmly as he folded his arms across his chest, "Well, aren't you going to open it?"

She looked at him for a moment as if puzzled at the prospect of her opening it. Although she didn't see or get to spend much time with her nephew, she knew he wasn't the kind to give gifts. She tried to decipher his calm yet firm face for answers, but all she got was a nod. She sighed and raised the top of the chest-like box away from her revealing an onyx bracer embedded with a golden dragon twisted around it. There were green and white jade beaded flowers blooming off its tail and a crystal coming out of its mouth.

"Wow!" came an amazed cry from Dojo, "She was able to open the box so easily!"

"Of course she was," Dashi spoke calmly, "Auntie, you know what this is right?"

The look Auntie Ling gave them was no longer so hard and stern; it was more thoughtful and full of wonder. "This is…" she began, her old nearly closed eyes widened, "This is…the ancient handicraft, the god' gift to women, the fabled Bracer of Beauty!" She chuckled in delight and excitement as she arose, grabbing her crooked staff and quickly hobbling to a back wall in what appeared to be her humble kitchen. Pulling a lever, she revealed a hidden scroll library. She felt around and pulled out an old weathered scroll opening it quickly before hobbling back to the table. "Here it is in my scrolls! According to this scroll, the Bracer of Beauty was created to give an extra boost of power to special female warriors and spell casters of strong will so that they could uphold a place to better serve their community in times of great turmoil or whenever their powers were needed. During the building of the Great Wall for example when all the young men were laboring over its construction, the women had to protect the elderly and the young ones. When equipped to such women, their strength is tripled as well as their skill, speed, stamina, sense of strategy, evasion, and wisdom."

"So only a woman can open the box and use the bracer?" Dojo asked.

"That's correct," Auntie Ling replied smiling as she looked over at the two of them, "Tell me Dashi, how were you able to put this in this nice box? I recall that there weren't any priestesses at your temple?"

Dashi sighed and waved his hand, "That is of little importance, Great Auntie. Do you think you can keep it safe?"

Auntie Ling raised an eyebrow, "You want me to hold onto this precious treasure?"

"That's right, Auntie," Dashi nodded, "I know that you know enough about the power of this Shen-gon-wu to not attempt to do anything reckless with it. You also have little use for it in your old age, which means it will lie inactive and be harder to track down by those who would otherwise want to misuse its magnificent power."

This time Auntie Ling sighed, "Ah yes that is quite true. In my earlier days, when I was a much stronger younger girl, I wouldn't hesitate before equipping it." A fond nostalgic look appeared on her face as she smiled thinking of times long ago before continuing, "Alas I am no longer such a youthful energized and powerful one as I once was, old age will do that to you. No matter the power added to you, if you don't have a body that can uphold the added capabilities than the amplifications do more harm that good you shall fall apart later. The power added cannot make an old hag like me young again."

Dashi nodded sagely, "Yes, so will you take it?"

"…I don't know…" she answered.

"Why not?!" Dojo piped up.

Auntie Ling sighed, picking up her tea cup and gazing outside at the mountain scenery. "As I said before, I'm getting quite old, and soon my long humble life will end and I will have to leave this world." She closed her eyes and sighed again, "After that, the bracer will have to move onto another who is bound to last around hopefully a lot longer than myself." She opened them up and looked at her great nephew, "Although I appreciate your trust in me, I am mortal and I will die soon, unfortunately."

Dashi brought his hand to his chin and thought for a moment before an idea struck him, "Auntie, what about giving it to someone who is bound to stick around more than you and closer to eternity?!" He gave her a wink and she and Dojo took on confused faces. "Is the path to that palace of jade among the mountains of the west still passable?"

Auntie Ling's eyes grew as wide as they could without falling out of her head, "The palace of the great goddess, the great Queen Mother of the West!?!" she cried sounding astonished, "What a brilliant idea!"

Dashi nodded, "She'll make sure to hold onto it until a strong enough girl comes forth and will use it during times of need."

Auntie Ling nodded back before saying, "I will set out for the palace in the west as soon as possible. I only ask that you accompany me."

Dashi thought for a minute, "Dojo could fly you if you'd like?" he offered.

Dojo looked up at this, "Huh? Where to?"

"Auntie Ling can't journey as well as she used to; she has to trek quite a distance towards the west to the goddess's jade palace," Dashi explained, "Are you up for it?"

Dojo saluted, "Yeah, sure! I've always wanted to go west! All aboard!"

Dashi took his great aunt's hand and handed her traveling cloak after she made a trip to her kitchen and came back with a satchel filled with scrolls and some food.

"I made each of us several lunches of dumplings and egg rolls. They may not be the best, but they should give us enough to go on," Auntie Ling explained as she put on her cloak.

Dojo rubbed his front dragon legs together eagerly, "Yeah, dumplings! I can't wait! Let's go!"

They went outside the hut where Dojo transformed into his bigger size. Dashi helped his aunt get up on the dragon before he slowly lifted up into the sky.

"Hold on tight!" Dojo called to them, "To the west!"

And they flew off to the sacred palace of the Queen Mother of the West, the Chinese Goddess Xi Wang Mu.

Sage (looks up from her computer): "How was that? Was that a good start for you readers? Our four Xiaolin dragons will appear in the next chapter; this was mainly an introduction to introduce you to the Shen-gon-wu."

Chibisage (arrives next to Sage on a wheelie chair along with Wasabi, Ryu-kun, and Miyu.): "Oh and just so all of you know, Sage here made up the Shen-Gon-Wu mentioned."

Miyu (nods): "That and Auntie Ling, nobody knows much about Dashi's family…but we needed a female character from long ago besides Wuya!"

Ryu-kun: "Yeah, we could let ol' Woo-hoo get the bracer now could we?"

Wuya (pops up on the screen): "Yes you could! I would have liked that!"

Chibisage (gasps): "Omigod! It's a computer virus! WASABI!!!"

Wuya: "Whaaat?! No…it's me…"

Wasabi (moves over to the screen and opens a black hole that pulls Wuya's head offscreen): "There there…the ugly thing is gone!"

Miyu: "Thank goodness…"

Sage: "The goddess in the west and her jade palace are really from Chinese mythology though. You can look them up if you feel up to it."

Ryu-kun (waves her hand): "Enough of this! Okay you readers out there, read and review or you will never get to see the little feminist get his just deserves!"

Chibisage: "No! That's not right, Ryu-kun! (peers at her script) You're supposed to say 'Read and Review or you'll make Sage-chan sad!' Think of the authoress!"

Wasabi (shrugs): "No matter, they better just do it!"

Miyu: "You hear that! Click the button below and review! DO IT!!!"


	2. Arrogant Ignorance

**She-Omi's Guilt Trip**

By: Twilight Goddess Sage

**Pre-fic stuff**

Sage (smiles warmly): "I'm so happy! I got more reviews on that first chapter than any reviews on my other stories! Several liked it so much that they added it to story alerts! I'm so happy! Thank you everyone who reviewed!"

Ryu-kun: "They probably read this story because they want to see Omi get what he deserves!"

Omi (pops out of no where): "Huh? What do I deserve? (light bulb appears over his head) Oh I know! I deserve only the utmost respect! I'm the best of the Xiaolin dragons!"

(They all glare at him and sigh)

Chibisage (goes over to Omi with her hands on her hips): "You aren't supposed to show up yet!"

(Before Omi can retort back with one of his self-centered lines, Ruzaka pushes him out the door and locks it.)

Chibisage (gives Ruzaka a thumbs up): "Thanks! I thought I would have to pull out my big hammer for that one…"

(They return to their chairs)

Miyu: "We had a question from one of the reviewers. Okay X-SilverDragon-X, you were wondering about pairings? Well as far as Sage has decided, there aren't any definite ones yet, but she'll probably put in some as the chapters get rolling along."

Sage (giggles slightly): "Although because Omi is turning into a girl in this mostly guy casted show, you can bet that there will be guys hitting on the new girl! Hee hee hee! Mwah-hah-hah-haaaah!"

Wasabi (shakes her head): "You are so odd…"

Sage (cocks her head and winks): "What else is new?"

(The rest of the group sweatdrops)

Chibisage: "Um…errr…yeah…let's get on with the story! Sage here still doesn't own Xiaolin Showdown, or Omi would probably not have such an inflated ego in the first place!"

**Chapter 1: Product of His Country, Arrogant Ignorance**

It was another day of training for the Xiaolin Dragons. They were currently going through one of the temple's slightly deadly obstacle courses. This one featured moving panels, falling sizzling hot spikes and flying tiles and arrows. Dojo was at the finish line with a stopwatch waiting for them to come. So far none of them were near the finish line, but Omi and Raimundo were a few steps ahead of their comrades. Even though each dragon apprentice had to keep focus on their constantly changing and imposing surroundings, they had other thoughts going on in each of their minds.

'_Mast 'er Fung sure made this here workout quite diff'cult!' thought Clay panting, 'Where'd he find them crazy tiles? An' those spikes sure are sizzlin' enough to put m' Granny's hottest chili t'shame.'_ He sprang up when several of the aforementioned spikes came tumbling down where he was standing and sighed in relief when he was out of the way, _'Phew! I won' be eattin' chili fo' a while…wonder wha Mast 'er Fung would do if one of us got our back ends stabbed an' fried!?'_

'_All this sweat is ruining my mascara!' _inwardly complained Kimiko (no not Raimundo), _'Darn it! I was counting on meditation and pretty yoga poses for today's training!'_

'_Ugh! What's that stink? I hope Clay put on his deodorant today…or is it me?' _Raimundo wondered quickly taking a whiff under one of his arms as he switched tiles, nearly taking a hit from a few flying arrows coming from his left side_. 'Crap! Ugh it is me!'_ he realized wrinkling his nose in disgust and cringing, _'I better get to the finishing line soon, I think I accidentally put on Omi's underwear, I have a really bad wedgie!'_

'_Ha! Raimundo is good, but not as good as me!' _thought Omi as he smirked slightly looking back over at his rival, 'He almost got hit by that arrow! Look at that ridiculous look on his face, he knows he's no match for m—.' His thought was cut off however when he accidentally tripped on a moving title and landed on his little butt. **"Ow…"** he cried, **"Where did that tile come from?"**

"**Hey Omi, do you need a hand, man?" **Rai asked as he came up behind him.

Omi stood up and brushed himself off, **"No Raimundo, I am as you would say it, all correct!"**

Raimundo raised an eyebrow, **"You mean alright, right?"**

Omi nodded, **"That too!"**

Rai sighed and rolled his eyes, **"Okay let's keep going then."**

Omi nodded again and they leaped forward, Omi ahead with Rai nearly on his heels. Soon they were almost at the end, and Rai was almost beside his shorter yellow comrade.

"**Wouldn't it be cool if we finished at the same time?!**" Rai asked grinning.

Omi peered over at him for an instant with a not so cheery look in his eye, **"I suppose…but it's not likely to happen…"** Omi then sped up so he wouldn't hear Rai's comeback.

'_Darn him and his ego…'_ Rai thought bitterly quickening his pace. Suddenly Kimiko whizzed by him. _'Whoa, look at her go! She could beat him; that would trip up his ego a bit!'_ he thought.

Omi was almost at the finish, after checking behind him and not seeing any signs that Rai was anywhere near him he grinned inwardly, _'I knew he couldn't keep up with me, I'm the bes—' _

It was then that once again, Omi's train of thought was interrupted by another ill-be-gotten oncoming tile which made him once again trip most pathetically and land ungracefully on his stomach only several feet in front of the finish line. If that wasn't enough for Omi's personal self-image, his pride took an even deeper nose dive when Kimiko whizzed past him crossing the finish line where she pulled a lever making every machine operated part of the obstacle course immediately shut off. As she unceremoniously tried to wipe off the nearly sweated-off make-up off her face with her sleeve, Dojo rang a gong. **"And first place goes to KIMIKO!!! WOO-HOO!"** Dojo hooted and hollered into a mega-phone as confetti was tossed over the J girl.

Rai and Clay ran past Omi to the far side of the finish line to congratulate her. Even though he couldn't see them from where he sat, he could hear what they were saying rather well.

"**Hey, where's Omi?"** Dojo asked from around the bend.

"**I could 'ave sworn he was righ' behind us…er ma'be we passed 'im as we came to the ex-it,"** Clay muttered as he took his hat off and scratched his head trying to think.

"**Is he okay?"** he heard Kimiko ask sounding worried, **"Usually he's out first…or second, like that one time Rai and him were really close…" **

Omi's face reddened up with everything his teammates were saying, taking each as a personal insult while internally dealing with the added shock of being beaten by a girl. However it was the next comment that made him lose his temper.

"**Oh don't worry about Omi,"** he heard Raimundo say coolly, **"The only thing he hurt was probably his ego!"** There was a brief silence and he quickly added just as matter-of-factly, **"Y'know his ego? You can't miss it; it's bigger than his head!"**

Just then there came a literal loud 'snap' from within the obstacle course and Omi let out a loud shriek as he leaped up, **"UUUUUUGGGGH!!!"**

Outside the obstacle course his fellow warriors and jumped, while Dojo stood shaking all over.

"**I-It's the end of the world!!!"** Dojo screeched dramatically falling onto Clay who caught him in his hands, **"Our pure innocent little Omi has turned into an evil monster!!"** The little green dragon then proceeded to bawl like an upset little schoolgirl who has just lost her puppy.

"**No Dojo,"** Master Fung said rather calmly, though shaking his head as he walked towards them, **"I shall go speak to him."** He then proceeded to walk onto the course. He didn't have to go back very far before coming upon a red Omi. His face was the same color as his shirt and there was steam coming out of his ears that made a sound like a whistling tea kettle. He looked like a walking, breathing, bomb that was about to explode. **"Calm down, young monk,"** Master Fung stated calmly, keeping his distance, **"Do not be slave to your pride!"**

Omi let out a cry and raised a fist, but instead of hitting his teacher, he rushed to the right side of Master Fung and used it to crush several stone tiles. **"I-I l-lost…t-to a g-girl…" **Omi murmured in between breathes as he stared at the ground in shame.

Master Fung for an instant raised his eyebrows, then took on his normal stoic expression, **"No…Omi…you lost to your ambition…you must not strive to be the best of the group, but as best as you can be to the group!"**

Omi looked up at him, his face its normal shade of yellow, his expression a frown, **"Master Fung…"**

"**Go on out, Omi, the others are waiting for you…"** his teacher told him.

Omi walked out of the obstacle course up to his comrades, but avoiding eye contact with them. He was quite upset with himself, he knew Master Fung was right in his words, but he had omitted talking about the fact that Omi had lost for the first time to Kimiko. Kimiko! His first female friend—and actually the only one in his life. He sometimes found her annoying, often the case rather strange. Since all his upbringing was at the temple, where there were only monks, he had only come to know males as being strong. Only men could become famous warriors. It was true that Wuya was famous—er infamous, but Omi didn't think of her as "strong". She was a troublesome witch hag, she _was_ powerful, she could summon up rock creatures to cause mayhem, will depressed teenagers to do her bidding, but to him, she was no warrior. Women could not become warriors! They were to be respected sure, for their beauty and charm, but they were to be protected and helped when it came to matters of combat. That was what he was taught. That was what most young Chinese boys were taught. Any Chinese girl that tried to take on a man's work led to trouble; Wuya was a prime example of such trouble.

'_He is a product of his country…'_ Master Fung thought to himself shaking his head_, 'I only hope that he will open up his mind. To be strong is not enough. To be over confident in one's abilities can lead to self corruption. But to be humble and accepting to new things can open a person's eyes to the bigger picture and the ideals of the world. For in order to protect the world, one most embrace all that is in the world and behold it and all of its people. It is still not too late Omi…'_

"**Hey Omi, are you alright?"** Kimiko asked as her smaller friend slunk into view as he walked towards them with his gaze downcast.

"**Yeah lil' par'ner, ya took fo 'ever te come out?"** added Clay a puzzled yet concerned expression on his face.

"**Yeah, dude, did you hit your head a little too hard?"** asked Raimundo, trying to sound worried even though he already knew exactly what Omi's reason for delay was about. Frankly he was displeased with it.

"**Rai! Stop it!"** Kimiko spat at him.

Raimundo just shrugged in response.

Suddenly Dojo's face flushed, his tail twitched and he had an odd twinkle in his eyes. **"I-I s-sense a Shen-gong-wu!"** he stammered excitedly.

The four young almost dragons suddenly forgot Omi's dilemma and turned around to worry over Dojo's strange behavior. Even Omi lifted his head in concern for his little green friend.

"**Dojo, are you feeling okay?"** Omi asked, **"You have the oddest expression on your face!"**

"**I-I s-sense a shen-gong-wu!"** Dojo repeated although this time his voice sounded rather husky. He then licked his lips and batted his strangely long eyelashes daintily, **"It's the bracer of b-beauty,"** he added almost in a purr.

"**THE WHAT?!?"** all four of them shouted at once.

"**Ah…the bracer of beauty…I wondered when she would let it activate itself…"** Master Fung stated nostallogically.

"**But I have never heard of it!"** Omi exclaimed feeling somewhat nervous.

"**Have you heard of it, Dojo?"** Raimundo asked.

"**Heard of it? I was with Dashi when he hid it!"** Dojo replied, this time not sounding like he was love struck, **"We went along with his great auntie—"** Dojo began.

"**Well…w'better go 'fore Spicer gets his 'ands on it!"** Clay cut in.

"**Yeah, you can tell us about it on the way west!"** Kimiko suggested.

So the Four dragon apprentices set off on their larger dragon friend to a supposed palace located in the west.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile at Jack Spicer's not so secret lab, Jack had tweaked his robots and lair around to make a pool set-up complete with a robot operated beach bar, a nice sized pool with a shallow end, a medium deep part attached and a seriously deep end with a high diving board, low diving board, and a twisted waterslide that sent people in tubes whirling around until they could make a big splash into the pool. Five of his robots, "lifeguard bots" as he dubbed them, were positioned around the pool under umbrellas. He and his subordinates, Tubbimura and Katnappe, were enjoying themselves for the day. Jack was currently stretched out on a lounge chair trying to "soak up" some artificial sun into his extremely pale skin. Katnappe was about to go through the waterslide, and Tubbimura was at the bar looking up the drinks. They were all out of their usual attire and in bathing suits, although Tubbimura kept his mask on to conceal his face because as a ninja, he insisted that he must remained somewhat mysterious at all times. However, since all his guy fat was exposed, the mysteriousness was overlooked by his obesity. Both Katnappe and Jack agreed not to mention this and to avoid looking his way; the last thing either of them wanted was an extremely fat and angry ninja slamming them into the concrete, water, bar stools/counter, etc. They were all calmly doing their own things and surprisingly getting along reasonably until…

"**WHAT?! SPICER, NONE OF THESE DRINKS ARE WORTH MY TIME!!!"** roared Tubbimura.

Katnappe made a nice splash and resurfaced, **"What?! Is it just ginger ale and water?"** she asked in an annoying tone of voice.

Jack rather coolly slid down his sunglasses and shot each of them a dirty look before getting up and walking over to the bar next to his "Bartender-bots" who wore little hula skirts and leis. They glanced at him with rather confused expressions on their faces (yes, they have emotion chips). **"What's shaking, Tubby-mura?"** he asked warily.

"**WHAT I JUST SAID, YOU NUMBSKULL!!! THERE'S NOTHING ENJOYABLE ON HERE!!!"** the fat man shouted banging his fists on the counter, causing the robotic bartenders to jerk back.

By this time, Katnappe had swam over to that side of the pool and stepped out. She grabbed a towel from one of the meandering jackbots, slapping him when he made an inappropriate whistle at her rather skimpy bikini. Ignoring its retort, she walked over to where arguing cohorts with her hands on her hips. Katnappe was not amused**. "What's the big deal?!"** she half spat at them, looking at the menu in front of Tubbimura and snatching it before scanning over its contents.

Jack sighed, **"I have more than ginger ale, I'll have you know Catlitter!"** he remarked. He rolled his eyes when she snarled at his degrading nickname for her before continuing, **"I have assorted types of soda, fruit juices, gourmet iced teas, iced coffees, fruit smoothies, even milkshakes!"**

"**I can read, for your information!"** Katnappe snapped at him.

Jack cringed then yelled back, **"Good!"** He then turned away from her back to Tubbimura and glared the hardest evil glare he could before demanding, **"So what's wrong with what's on the menu? What's it missing?"**

Katnappe glanced at Tubbi, curious to what his reply would be.

The two teens flinched when Tubbi burst into tears, sobbing a bit before looking at them and wailing, **"WHAT'S MISSING?! YOU BAKAS!!! THERE'S NO BOOZE!! NO SAKE!! NO BEER!! NOT EVEN MIXED DRINKS OR MAGARITAS!!!"** He continued to cry some more before roaring at them enough to make their hair blow, **"WHAT'S A BAR WITHOUT ALCHOHOLIC BEVERAGES!?!"** He then proceeded to wail obscenities while dripping waterfall tears.

Jack twitched then took a deep breath before shouting loud enough so that he could be heard over Tubbi's sobs, **"WELL OF COURSE YOU KNUCKLE HEAD!!! I'M UNDERAGED!!!"**

To this remark Katnappe chuckled and jeered back at him, **"Some evil villain, keeping up with all the drug laws like a good little momma's boy!"** she then laughed at him.

Tubbimura started to laugh as well but then he choked on his tears and started hacking loudly and rather comically.

Jack growled at both of his subordinates, **"This has nothing to do with my mother...it's—"** Just then his shen-gong-wu monitor started to go off with a beep making all three of them jump.

"**Alright people!"** Jack yelled, **"We've got ourselves another wu to get! Let's get to it before those Xiaolin losers do!**

Suddenly a screen showing Chase Young's cool visage popped down, **"Actually due to their many successes, I'd say those apprentices are mainly winners,"** he stated winking at the three of them who stopped what they were doing to look at him. _'Although I'll be the winner once I get my hands on that little boy and his ass...err assets,' _Chase grinning inwardly while thinking about a certain little bald yellow monk who showed much promise. (I know I'm not the only one who pictures Chase being into little boys…)

Wuya approached the screen in her ghost form sticking her tongue out at them, **"Yeah exactly you miserable excuses for villains!" **she leered at them,** "Especially you, Jack Spicer!"**

Jack stuck his tongue back out at her before pulling it back in to say, **"Oh thanks a lot hag! Y'know I didn't have to let you out of that puzzle…I could have sold that antique on e-bay!" **

"**Why wouldn't you sell it on the black market?"** Katnappe chimed in.

"**The black market is overrated!"** Tubbimura shouted slamming his fists on the counter once again, **"It's mostly illegal drugs sold by Italian gangsters; in order be able to sell anything, you have to buy some of their drugs or they'll rub your name out even if you're a foreigner!"**

"**What?! That's so not cool!"** Katnappe cried out.

"**Enough about villain vendering!"** Chase snapped at them, he then for the first time noticed their attire and hid his eyes from Tubbimura mumbling, **"That is just wrong…the worst I've seen in my whole long life…"**

"**OMG!"** screeched Wuya, **"That's hideous! Take it off! Take it off! My old eyes are going to burn!!"**

"**You fool! You're a ghost! Your eyes can't burn!! And he's already near naked in th-that thing he's wearing,"** Chase yelled blindly pointing at Tubbimura's speedo, **"Don't make him strip, he'll scar us permenantly; for me the rest of eternity!!"**

Jack turned to his fat co-hort concentrating on his face, not his fat and murmured, **"Yeah Tubbi, you may want to change…"** he then glanced around at Katnappe and himself and added, **"We all need to change…let's hurry it up, we have a wu out west. Report back here in 15 minutes pronto!"**

The other two nodded and they all left while Wuya and Chase bickered, using colorful swear language that shall not be repeated for the sake of the younger people who may be reading this fic.

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Back on Dojo's back, Dojo was telling the dragons in training as much about the wu as the palace where the wu was kept, **"…The Jade palace is really grand! It's bigger than me and another of me and the temple…it's way bigger than the temple…it makes the temple look…really really tiny in comparison. And it's so gorgeous! It's made of jade, the really shiny green kind…although there's gold and silver welding around the edges. And the gardens—"**

"**That's cool and all dude, but what about the wu? Why is the wu at this classy castle?" **Raimundo asked.

"**Yeah y'said you'd tell us, partner. I didn't think ya' was gonna tell us 'bout the palace. Y'sound like one a'them travel brochures,"** Clay commented.

"**Yeah, and what does this wu do?"** Kimiko asked, **"Even Omi hasn't heard of it."**

Omi just sat and sulked, he didn't fell like talking yet; his ego was still bruised.

Dojo grunted and then said, **"Oh, right, the wu."** He then cleared his throat before speaking with an informative air, **"It's a bracer—"**

**"Dude! We could tell that from looking at the scroll!"** Raimundo cut in rolling his eyes.

Dojo responded to this with a rather perturbed hiss at Rai's rude comment, turning his head briefly around just so he could glare at the young monk.

**"…uh…yeah, you were saying?"** Raimundo retorted nervously trying to ease those frustrated dragon eyes off of him.

**"Yes, as I was saying--" **Dojo began again only to be interrupted by another rude teenager.

**"Yo Xiaolin monkies!"** Jack Spicer called out as he zoomed over on his helibot.

The Xiaolin dragons in training deadpanned, **"…that's a new one…"** muttered Kimiko looking unimpressed.

Jack's cronies showed up in an airplane-like contraption, soaring slightly above them. Tubbimura and Katnappe both shot him glares as they found the insult as stupid as the monks.

**"You idiot! You're the one with the monkey staff!" **Katnappe spat at him.

**"OH SHUT UP!!!"** Jack shrieked back at her making her cringe, **"They're monks, darn it! The word monks plus the added letters I-E-S make them into monkies!"** he explained, **"Get it? Monks, monkies?!" **

The Xiaolin dragons plus Katnappe and Tubbimura groaned at the bad pun at the same time.

**"Jack Spicer! Enough with your puns!"** Omi shouted, **"You will not get the Bracer of Beauty! We will hit you down!" **

After everyone else once again showed confused unimpressed faces Raimundo sighed and attempted to translate like he always did, **"Err… he means 'beat you up' or so I think,"** he said shrugging his shoulders.

**"Hah! I'd like to see you try it!"** Jack jeered back.

**"Whoa, everyone there's the palace, dead ahead!"** Dojo shouted interrupting the two boys and causing everyone to quickly turn their head around nearly giving them whiplash to behold the sight before them.

There was a unified shout of, **"Wow!"** from everyone as their eyes tried to take in all the beauty from the carved jade roof to the sparkling gardens and fountains.

**"See, I told you,"** Dojo chirped as he landed letting the monks off and shrinking to his original size, **"Although I must say that it all seems much more elaborate than I remember."**

Jack, Katnappe and Tubbimura landed as well and walked up to the heavy looking ornate jade doors which appeared to be the front entrance to the palace where the monks were.

**"So,"** Jack muttered, **"Whose place is this? It's a bit glitzy and old-fashioned for me…but it is rather nice…" **

**"The Jade Palace of the Queen Mother of the West,"** came the reply from Chase Young who had appeared out of the no where with Wuya hovering beside him.

**"Ooooooooo…quite impressive…"** commented Wuya, **"Certainly a palace of a goddess!"**

Jack nearly jumped out of his skin at their sudden unexpected arrival, but froze after hearing Wuya's last sentence, **"W-wait…did you just say…"**

Tubbimura finished, **"A palace of a goddess?" **

The Xiaolin dragons in training looked over befuddled at Dojo, **"A GODDESS!?!"**

Dojo cleared his throat and replied, **"Yeah…didn't I tell you?"**

**"NO!!!"** was the unanimous reply.

**"So there is a God—err goddess for real…?"** Jack murmured nervously.

**"Hah!"** Omi scoffed, **"Yes, the goddess will not dare let the likes of you Jack Spicer take away the Bracer of Beauty! Only an exceedingly good person can have the wu! Someone like me!" **

His fellow dragons flashed him cold looks before he added, **"Errr…I mean us!"**

**"It shall not be quite as you have said it…"** came a retort from a low woman's voice from an unseen source.

**"That is to ask, what is good? What is evil? For all is not as plain nor simple to determine when it comes to judging a person's standing amongst the right and wrongs of the world,"** uttered another woman's voice, this one slightly higher.

**"Huh?"** Omi asked obviously confused, **"What are you saying? Who are you?" **

**"And where are you?"** added Raimundo as he glanced around.

**"We are within this vicinity that you are standing in front of,"** replied an even higher woman's voice, **"Do you young ones wish to enter?"**

**"But of course! We are the Xiaolin Dragons!"** exclaimed Omi rather impatiently, **"We are here to obtain the wu for the good of mankind!" **

At once, the heavy jade doors opened and a curtain of hazy green fog rolled out between the entrance and the group as a gong went off somewhere. When the smoke cleared, three women stood before them in flowing traditional Chinese robes. Each of them had a Chinese symbol embroidered on the front of their robes as well as different color hair in three shades of green. The first one had the symbol for 'moon', pronounced "Yue" with dark green hair, the color of bamboo leaves in the evening. The second one had the character for 'sunrise' pronounced "Ri Chu"; she had a medium green hair, the color of grass. The third sported the character for 'star' pronounced "Xing"; her hair was such a light color of green that it was almost white, it was like the color of the lightest green jade. Each of the maidens had sparkling emerald eyes and carried special objects. Yue had a fan, Ri Chu held a mirror, and Xing carried what looked like a small ancient instrument.

The monks, Jack, Tubbimura, Katnappe, Dojo, Chase and Wuya stared at them all for a while, unsure of what to say. Finally Raimundo broke the silence and asked with hearts in his eyes, **"Wh-who a-are th-these babes?"** he asked almost drooling, _'More importantly, which one should I ask out?'_

Kimiko grunted and nudged him, **"Easy there, lover boy!"**

**"Oh! Oh! I remember them!"** Dojo exclaimed, **"They're--"**

**"The Jade Girls,"** Chase finished darkly as he glared at them.

The three women stepped out towards the newcomers and bowed to all of them.

**"The Jade Girls?"** Jack asked scratching his head, **"Well for a palace made out of jade it does make sense…I suppose…" **

**"Never mind that!"** Wuya leered at him, **"Where's the wu?! Where's the wu?!"** she asked the women excitedly.

Ri Chu took a few steps closer to them, her hands neatly folded, **"The shen-gong wu that you seek is inside. However before you get to it, you must first pass the trial." **

**"Ah of course!"** Omi exclaimed in his know-it-all voice, **"The trial that will identify who is the most worthy! The most just! The most—" **

**"Yeah, yeah, can it already!"** Jack spat at him.

**"D'we get t'meet the goddess?"** Clay asked taking his hat off in respect.

**"Those participating in the trial will meet her personally,"** Yue answered calmly.

**"Whoo-hoo!"** exclaimed Rai, _'If these women who serve the goddess are this pretty, the goddess herself must be a beauty beyond compare!'_ he thought.

**"Awwww, what a shame, I wanted to see her again,"** Dojo sighed.

Xing made her way over to Dojo and giggled, **"Are you Dojo con Jo? I remember you from last time!"**

Dojo looked up at her and smiled, **"Oh really? Are you Xing?"**

Xing giggled gleefully and clapped her hands after tucking her instrument into a pocket, **"Awwww, you remembered! I'm so happy!"**

The other two Jade girls however weren't very happy and shot her rather irritated looks. Xing sighed and waved to Dojo before going back to her place beside Ri Chu.

**"The way you describe the trials, it sounds like not all of us may participate,"** Tubbimura inquired.

**"Ah, you caught that did you?"** Ri Chu asked rather casually as she waved her fan around, **"Well--"**

**"What do you mean not all of us can participate?"** Omi cut in frantically.

The women glared at him before Xing said, **"That's right! Not all of you qualify!"**

Jack's eyes widened, **"S-seriously?"**

Raimundo looked around uneasily before glancing back at the women, **"Wh-what are these qualifications exactly?"**

Yue motioned to the door, **"Just follow us in and we'll lead you to the entrance where those who qualify will find out and enter."**

**"And what if we don't qualify for whatever reason?"** Kimiko asked nervously.

**"Then you can just watch,"** Ri Chu replied as she led the way through the door motioning everyone else to follow along behind her.

_'A least they ain't gonna kick 'us out or feed us t'some monster,'_ Clay thought as he walked inside after Ri Chu.

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(After fic Script)

Sage (takes a deep breath): "Finally, woo-wee, that was quite a long chapter. I apologize for the agonizingly long wait, but I hope none of you readers will punish me too harshly, I did give you quite a lot to read here!"

Miyu (nods): "If they know what's good for them, they won't try to kill you! If they do manage to do so, they will never get anymore chapters period."

Sage: "I so do want to continue my life, so many things I want to do...so little time..."

Chibisage: "In short, please excuse Sage's busy life...she will continue this fic for sure in between college and work! Your reviews help!"

Ruzaka (clears his throat): "Just to let all you readers know, the story is off to a slow start because Sage believes in the importance of story development. Omi turns into a girl in the next chapter."

Sage (coughs): "Well excuse me; the truth is that a story does not have any substance without story development. Besides I figured it would be important for all the characters should be identified in their roles and point of views. Don't worry readers Omi will turn female soon! Sorry again for the slow update. Be sure to tell me what you like and dislike in your reviews!"


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